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User talk:SpookyPesto
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the File:Messenger of death.jpg page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:32, June 16, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:35, June 16, 2015 (UTC) :The links listed above give a lot of the reasons. :Your story was basically one large paragraph that needs to be broken up. :There are punctuation issues, mainly involving not using commas where a pause is indicated in sentence flow. :Capitalization issues. "I" should always be capitalized when using it as a noun. :Wording issues. you shift tenses multiple times. Also having the story in future tense makes it much more difficult to effectively tell the story. I would stick to past or present tense as those two are more easily managed and reduces issues of redundancy. (You use "will" 25+ times in a story with around twenty-five sentences. :Story issues: while an interesting premise, it needs fleshing out and a greater sense of dread/terror. (Maybe by implying that where she is going is no a good place or that the crows have an ulterior motive for following people.) As it stands, it needs some work. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:56, June 16, 2015 (UTC) ::Here is a copy. Remember that you have to make a deletion appeal once you have a re-worked version. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:31, June 17, 2015 (UTC) Re: I marked it for review as there are a number of punctuation, capitalization, and story issues. Right now, I'm on the fence about whether or not it is ready for the site. Additionally please look over the genre listing as you broke a number of rules when adding multiple categories that can't be added together. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:43, June 22, 2015 (UTC) :While it is M4R, it should not be given new categories as that is our method of 'quarantining' stories while waiting for edits/review. :Punctuation issues, a number of times where a comma is missing. "Well hello there, mister." You may also want to cut back on your use of ellipses (15+ times is a bit much.) Also, unless you are using it at the end of a sentence or the following word is a proper noun, it shouldn't be capitalized. "says(,) "nothing (Nothing) in here, just a bed, table, and broken mirror." :Wording issues: You switch between past and present tense a number of times. ""Hey," I asked, "where'd Jax go?" Everyone looks around, then back at me with worried expressions." :Capitalization issues. Look over your dialogue. A number should be capitalized. (Even in these instances ""What, you scared all of a sudden?" Jax joked, "is (Is) big strong Maxxy scared?" As the first sentences ends with a conclusive punctuation mark. (./?/!) "so, where do we start?" :Story issues: The ending feels a bit rushed and the whole 'exploring an abandoned asylum/mental ward where they used to torture patients' is kinda generic. :I'd suggest really looking over the story and correcting these issues. Note, do not remove the M4R template or add new categories as it does need someone else to take a look at it.